balance//

i’ve been thinking a lot about balance in my life lately. 

i tend to have this pattern of overcommitting myself, having a melt down, then cutting a bunch of duties out of my life, wanting more, then repeating. i don’t know why i can’t ever just be still. 

on the one hand, i have a job i absolutely love. however, it alone does provide enough money for savings, etc. having two jobs though makes me feel like i’m just barely hanging on. even when i have a day off, it never feels like a day off. i’m always planning for something or covering for someone. 

with wedding planning on top of everything else now, i can’t help but keep thinking i need to quit this extra part time job, i need to breathe. 

and i feel like no one can fully understand me and what i’m going through (except maybe other artists and teachers in the same struggle). i feel like i suffer as a student/teacher/artist when i’m so spent. and no one at my “regular’ job can understand how i feel, it’s frustrating to even try to explain why i can’t cover their shifts anymore. 

what is really nagging at me though is last week our pastor gave a sermon on leaving room for God. and i don’t have any room in my life for anything. i barely hang out with friends. i barely see my family. i just work and eat and sleep and plan and workout. repeat repeat repeat. there’s no room for anything, miracles, spontaneity, … i feel so unsure of what i should do too. and i never feel that way. i’m great with making decisions and listening to my heart. growing up is just hard sometimes. being responsible is not fun. i need to pray more and listen more i know. i just wanted to vent. 

andymoephoto:

lumen - andy moe

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via dejaliciouss)

(Source: haemus, via dejaliciouss)

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via dejaliciouss)

"People are prettiest when they talk about something they really love with passion in their eyes."

— (via dejaliciouss)

(Source: JRileyUSA, via dejaliciouss)

Recently, someone told me that they didn’t believe there was one person out there for everyone, that you picked someone and you stuck with them. Romantic isn’t. They’re married too. But whatever floats their boat, I’m not hatin,
I just don’t think I can agree. But it made me wonder… is that what Joshua and I are doing? No. I used to maybe not believe in soul mates, but I used to have blue hair too…things change. I knew God had someone out there for me, but I never knew how wonderful it could be. I read this book called the 5 love languages, and in it, it talks about the 2 year marker. After 2 years with someone, those initial “in love” feelings wear off, and you get to the real stuff, it’s harder. That’s why a lot of marriages fail early on. I’ve kept this in my head, I know I don’t live in a Disney movie. But at the same time, I look at my grandparents, 2 people that have been together for 55 years and still don’t like to spend a day apart. And I pray that that’s what Josh and I have. He is my best friend, and so far, almost two years, actually we passed that marker if you count all of our dating, and I feel more in love and more real about him than ever. Whose to say it won’t change? I don’t know, but it doesn’t have to. 

Also, I realized we never take pictures when we’re together! This is from December cause we haven’t taken any since then. He likes this fact cause he says it means we’re in the moment then. I just hate taking pictures of myself lol.

Recently, someone told me that they didn’t believe there was one person out there for everyone, that you picked someone and you stuck with them. Romantic isn’t. They’re married too. But whatever floats their boat, I’m not hatin,
I just don’t think I can agree. But it made me wonder… is that what Joshua and I are doing? No. I used to maybe not believe in soul mates, but I used to have blue hair too…things change. I knew God had someone out there for me, but I never knew how wonderful it could be. I read this book called the 5 love languages, and in it, it talks about the 2 year marker. After 2 years with someone, those initial “in love” feelings wear off, and you get to the real stuff, it’s harder. That’s why a lot of marriages fail early on. I’ve kept this in my head, I know I don’t live in a Disney movie. But at the same time, I look at my grandparents, 2 people that have been together for 55 years and still don’t like to spend a day apart. And I pray that that’s what Josh and I have. He is my best friend, and so far, almost two years, actually we passed that marker if you count all of our dating, and I feel more in love and more real about him than ever. Whose to say it won’t change? I don’t know, but it doesn’t have to.

Also, I realized we never take pictures when we’re together! This is from December cause we haven’t taken any since then. He likes this fact cause he says it means we’re in the moment then. I just hate taking pictures of myself lol.