i’ve been thinking a lot about balance in my life lately.
i tend to have this pattern of overcommitting myself, having a melt down, then cutting a bunch of duties out of my life, wanting more, then repeating. i don’t know why i can’t ever just be still.
on the one hand, i have a job i absolutely love. however, it alone does provide enough money for savings, etc. having two jobs though makes me feel like i’m just barely hanging on. even when i have a day off, it never feels like a day off. i’m always planning for something or covering for someone.
with wedding planning on top of everything else now, i can’t help but keep thinking i need to quit this extra part time job, i need to breathe.
and i feel like no one can fully understand me and what i’m going through (except maybe other artists and teachers in the same struggle). i feel like i suffer as a student/teacher/artist when i’m so spent. and no one at my “regular’ job can understand how i feel, it’s frustrating to even try to explain why i can’t cover their shifts anymore.
what is really nagging at me though is last week our pastor gave a sermon on leaving room for God. and i don’t have any room in my life for anything. i barely hang out with friends. i barely see my family. i just work and eat and sleep and plan and workout. repeat repeat repeat. there’s no room for anything, miracles, spontaneity, … i feel so unsure of what i should do too. and i never feel that way. i’m great with making decisions and listening to my heart. growing up is just hard sometimes. being responsible is not fun. i need to pray more and listen more i know. i just wanted to vent.